Up and down

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Allow me talk about self-confidence.

The army teaches you to have bags of it. Because, without it it’s v difficult to get groups of people to do things they’d really rather not do. I went to Sandhurst at 18. Twenty-five years later I left with the confidence of 10 men.

Teaching next. Confidence is key here as well. If you haven’t stood up in front of 25 barely pubescent 15 year-olds (with more hormones than a back-street Chinese hormone shop), and, again, tried to get them to do things they really don’t want to do – then you’re lucky. I salute teachers everywhere. Before I became one, I thought being a teacher was the easiest job in the world. Eh, no. I found leading – which is what teachers do, day-in, day-out – classes of kids much more tricky than taking a battalion of soldiers on operations..

Did that for 8 years. Tick.

Now I work for myself. I am, principally, an author. I write books for – well, I can’t really call it a living. 5,000 books in three years is hardly a living. But it’s what I do (as well as marketing books – which is taking up more and more of my time). #SamGreen is #1. Twitter (I like Twitter); Facebook; Instagram; this blog. It all helps. Hurrah!

But do I do it with confidence? Am I ‘up’ all the time? Is morale ‘green’; optimism ‘high’?

Well, not really. I have very good days when what I have written seems like the best thing out there. When I sell 15 books (as I have today – already). When I get a grown-up review from someone I’ve never heard of – and it’s genuinely fab. But just as quickly – and precipitously, I feel rubbish. That I’m writing for an audience of 17 people – most of them my friends who would read my rubbish anyway and politely say they like it. When I get a poor review; or I’ve sold no books by lunchtime. That, thankfully, isn’t just now. But it might be this time tomorrow.

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indeed she is!

Up and down. Down and up. I’ve never experienced anything like it.

What does this mean? Well, I applaud anyone in the arts trying to make a living. I applaud our friend Deborah Blyth who makes her own (very smart) jewellery and has a growing business that needs a big break. Our daughter Jen who has just banked with Mum and Dad for quite a lot of money, in order to buy an embroidery machine and sewing machine so she can sell her fabulous dog bandannas and collars – link here: Cubbly’s . I applaud my niece, Grace, trying to make it as an actor at the tender age of 18. And all the painters, sculptors, actors, writers, weavers, crafts people – indeed, anyone who is trying to make something with their hands, their bodies and/or their keyboards – and then living off the proceeds.

And my advice – not that I’m in a position to give advice to so many talented people: keep at it. Do what you love. Work harder. Persevere. Have faith. Work a bit harder. Still keep at it. Something good will happen.

BTW – all’s well in The Bahamas! And book 4 going splendidly. 54/120k words done and I now have the obligatory mindmap to get me to a conclusion. Sam Green is alive and well (and, having spent 2 days here, is now in Miami.