Those sunlit uplands

Ahh, the sunlit uplands. All the positives. Independence, freedom and the ability to make our own rules. The best trade agreements with the rest of the world – negotiating from a position of strength. A European Singapore (without, of course, the influx of migrant workers living in not much more than shanty towns in the centre of the small, and very expensive island). So much to look forward to. So much progress to make. And, not forgetting the fact that we can again enjoy bendy bananas, we can move our dead fish about without having to refrigerate them … and, bless them, the blue passports. Mmmm. Can’t wait for mine. 


those sunlit uplands

And what about the £350 million a week we have left over? Yes, of course! Think of all the doctors and nurses we can afford with that. And … no Turkish immigrants! Because Turkey is about to join the EU and they will come over here in their floods. No, we’re not getting them. Not now. Let’s face it, there are far too many immigrants in the country already paying taxes, doing many of the jobs we don’t like doing, working for the NHS and contributing to our way of life – we certainly don’t want any more.

Unelected bureaucrats! No – damn them and their goggly eyes. No, we will have our politicians voted for democratically – not by a small number of the population, or maybe even a whole party dreamt up and funded by some unknown, offshore account. Just like the good old days, where they served Queen and country, without deceit and lacking self-interest. Not holding onto power for power’s sake. And our laws! Yes, please. No more European nonsense protecting our workers’ rights, our health … and our safety. We have always had the best judges in the world – even the Scottish ones. 

Mmmmm … so much to look forward to.

And damn your Project Fear! The riots, food shortages, lack of medicines, failures in industry, lack of investment, the poor being worse off, and the queues of trucks at Dover. You lied! It was all nonsense and as a result the pound is slumping against the dollar and the Euro. 

But I don’t care, even if there is the odd bump in the road! No, a friend of my grandfather’s was at Dunkirk – and he only lost a leg. And my grandmother’s bridesmaid mother grew her own vegetables in between the rubble of her neighbour’s back garden and her house. We can do it again! We have shown time and again that we have tenacity and guts … although my back is not what it used to be, so don’t necessarily count on me. But, we can win wars and stick two fingers up in victory. 

And, so what if holidays in Spain are now too expensive …

… because I’m off to the sunny uplands with my blue passport. There’s a Wetherspoons there where there’s 20p off a pint and me and my mates can swill it down and remember the good times and celebrate the future. Doubtless Nige, Jake and Boris will be along to prop up the bar.

Can’t wait.  


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